Today, do your best.
This is my favorite mantra and what I tell my clients to remember when their mind starts playing perfectionism games. You know, like when you don’t start something because you can’t do it perfectly? Or like when you go for a big piece of chocolate cake, because “WTF, I already had a chocolate chip cookie and a chocolate bar. I obviously can’t do this, so I might as well finish sugar-O.D.ing?”
Many times I’ve heard clients say, or blog commentators write, things like “I want to eat better, but there’s no health food stores around me.” That’s a mind looking for excuses.
Yes it is better to get organic over conventional, but it is better to get conventional over nothing. A health food store helps, but if there’s none around, then go to the supermarket (as 95% of the world’s people do) and get your veggies there. Just do your best.
Yes, I know it is really hard to plan for lunches for you and the children for the whole week, but you can plan for tomorrow and the day after and perhaps, you’ll get takeout the next day. We’ll see then. Don’t give up before you start to fight the battle. Just do your best now.
Your best is different everyday. Some days it’s better than the average day, some days it’s worse. The problem is NOT that you have done better in the past and today in particular you’re tired or you’re simply not motivated, or you don’t have the time, or whatever. The problem is your mind making dramas about it: “I haven’t had any exercise in 3 days. I really can’t do this. I hate exercise. I’ve tried before and I’ve never been able to keep it up. Why do I even bother?”
That’s when you need to be in the present moment. Try to detach from the situation and observe it as if it were happening to someone else, not you. What is really happening? “Right now I’m tired, so I’m going home ’cause I can use use some rest.” That’s it. It doesn’t mean you won’t go to the gym tomorrow either. It doesn’t mean that you are a complete fiasco. It doesn’t mean that you’ll never get healthy. It just means you’re tired right now and you’ll go home. Period.
The difference between doing your best and making up excuses
When I talk to a client about doing your best, their first reaction is relief — and the second, panic. “Well if I just do my best, how will I make any progress? I could come up with an excuse every time something stretches me out of my comfort zone…”
True, but then you’d know it’s an excuse, wouldn’t you?
The idea is that you develop your sense of self-care, and not that you’ll need a nanny by your side 24/7 nagging you so you do what you know you should.
If you can’t trust yourself, then who will?
If you can’t love yourself, then who will?
And if you DO love yourself, then you can be compassionate. Compassion means that your desire pulls you, that you want to be a better human being, that you want to be healthy and fit, AND YET, you can give yourself permission to just do your best today, knowing it is your best.
Do your best today. Sleep tight. Tomorrow you’ll do your best too.
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Andrea, this is soooooo true. I’ve been myself so many times in this situation. Thank you for reminding me that I am capable of achieving whatever I put in my mind, as long as I keep doing my best.
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Andrea Reply:
July 29th, 2010 at 10:34 pm
Of course you can… The only way anything can be done… step by step :-)
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Sounds like very good advice!
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Andrea, Thank you for this post. You explain a problem that I and many others have. I often beat myself up for not being able to stick to my self-care “plan” and then I get desperate and depressed because I believe I’ll never be able to progress. Now, after reading your post, I understand better how to handle times like these. Thank you Andrea! You’re the first person to explain this problem so well. Thank you again! I hope you’ll post more on this subject in the future. I really think it’s a big problem for most people. God bless you for caring!
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Andrea Reply:
July 29th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
Hi Jennifer,
I’m glad you find it useful :-). I do care… Helping women figure this out is my whole purpose.
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Thank you so much, Andrea. Brilliant post, so well-expressed. And you’re so correct, I do know when it’s an excuse and when it’s really my best. Or, actually, I usually know — and I think the insight you’ve provided will help me get better at telling the difference. Losing the “story” and doing my best — I’ll take that as a new mantra, perfect.
xo, Kimberly
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Andrea Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 11:19 am
Oh… Byron Katie‘s full-of-wisdom question: Who would you be without the story?
It really is about losing the “story,” isn’t it?
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